The trans youth leader at the synagogue

We were attending synagogue with some relatives a couple of weeks ago, when a transman (a female transitioned to male) announced "children's service downstairs in ten minutes!"

I happened to know she was trans; because I had seen her a few years ago leading a woman's group, and had been told as much (should a female presenting as male be leading a woman's group is a question for another time). At the time, she had looked like a teen boy, being small and slight, but with a masculine voice, hair and clothing, and very, almost exxaggerated, masculine mannerisms.

She had still had a deep masculine voice and had grown some facial hair. She was wearing masculine clothing. She was still small and slight, but as her hair had begun to gray, it was obvious she wasn't a young boy. If you were looking, as I was,  you could detect the outline of a waist and hips. 

I found it somewhat ironic that she was leading the childrens group, a position that tends to be filled by women. but thats another story.

Why this whole story is relevant is that my son finally got introduced to the concept of transgenderism in real life, as well as the Great Pronoun Debate.

Me: "D, she's having a children's service. Would you like to attend?"
D.: "She looks like a boy."
Me: "Yes, I know. Would you like to attend?"

My use of the word "she" was automatic; not thought out. I had previous knowledge of this person as a female, and her appearance didn't erase that for me. D. also responded to me using the word "she" automatically; he had absorbed that knowledge from me; that this was a female person who looked masculine. I think he also may have subtly detected the ambiguous appearance, because he didn't tell me "No, Mom, he's a boy" but that "she looks like a boy."

This was a hebrew speaking group and hebrew has a gendered "you" and well as gendered verb. The group leader spoke about herself using masculine conjugations, the other children addressed her using mixed masculine and feminine ones, to which she did not object. D. participated in the children's group without bringing it up again or asking me. But I decided to bring it up to him after the service. "Do you know why she looks like a boy? Because she took some medications to make her more like a boy."

"Also the voice, mom?" "Yes, also the voice."

"Why?"

"Because she just felt that thats how she wanted to look."  He accepted that answer.

"But Mom, if she looks like a boy, then its ok to call her "he," right?

"Yes, dear, its ok to call her whatever you think."

My son is crafting his own opinion, which is fine. Its my job to convey facts.