Bras and Barbies
So now that my son wears typical boys clothes most of the time, why am I still occupying myself with this topic?
Because I have a feeling that he is cutting off a part of himself.
I've offered to buy him pink stuff, but he insists thats for boys. Last year for Purim (a bit like Jewish Halloween) I offered him a tutu skirt, although his dad was not in favor. He declined, and chose red lady bug wings instead, which i found a creative compromise on his part. But this year, he's asked to be Spiderman. (like at least 5 other boys in his class).
So whats bothering me?
I see that hes expressing his interest in girl fashion vicariously. As most immediately available female, he tries with me. I'm a jeans and ponytail kind of gal, but he often asks me to put on make up, he wants to style my hair, or tries to convince me to wear some of my formal occasion wear stuffed in the back of my closet.
His still plays princess at home with makeshift old clothing and headgear, although much less than usual.
He plays all this stuff with his little brother, who at age 3 is turning into a stereotypical rough and tumble, rather aggressive and competitive boy. two very different kids, but the little one, as stereotypically boyish as he is, is generally enthusiastic to play princess with him, put on makeup and nailpolish. yesterday they played happily together with 2 sequinedbarbie style mermaid dolls, until the little one got bored and moved on to a game with swords. D. continued to play with the mermaids by himself.
So whats the problem? Well, yesterday he dressed up his little brother in a makeshift bikini- underwear, and a sort of bra made out of a scarf. "Look! N. is a girl, he has a bra!" His Dad corrected him "No, he's a boy." "but are there any boys who wear a bra?" "Yes," said his dad, "there are some boys who dress up like girls and wear a bra." I couldn't have come up with a better response had I tried.
But it seems to me that he is acting out his girl fantasy vicariously through his brother. (I don't really worry about it affecting N.'s sense of gender as I see that N. isn't emotionally invested in it the way D. is). And my worry is that one day he will be exposed to trans propaganda and snap suddenly, decide he really was a girl all along or something
About this bra thing. this is not normal i think for a little kid to be playing of either sex. I blame Mermaid-Barbie. Or Ariel or whatever the thing's name is. His dad bought it for him, not me.
He then asked to see a princess video. How to I explain the concept of sexualization to a kid? I told him that I don't like the idea of too much showing off of the body, but that didn't quite convey it. I also told him that I don't like these barbies and disney princesses because they give a wrong idea of what real women look like. "I'm a real woman, and I don't look like barbie" I explained.
He got it! He really did! I asked him if there was any other video he wanted to watch, and he chose Dora the Explorer.
Women does NOT equal this ethereal sterile glittery creature, and both women and men, gender conforming and non gender conforming, need to know that. My son needs to be reminded that those fantasy creations are not what a woman is.
Because I have a feeling that he is cutting off a part of himself.
I've offered to buy him pink stuff, but he insists thats for boys. Last year for Purim (a bit like Jewish Halloween) I offered him a tutu skirt, although his dad was not in favor. He declined, and chose red lady bug wings instead, which i found a creative compromise on his part. But this year, he's asked to be Spiderman. (like at least 5 other boys in his class).
So whats bothering me?
I see that hes expressing his interest in girl fashion vicariously. As most immediately available female, he tries with me. I'm a jeans and ponytail kind of gal, but he often asks me to put on make up, he wants to style my hair, or tries to convince me to wear some of my formal occasion wear stuffed in the back of my closet.
His still plays princess at home with makeshift old clothing and headgear, although much less than usual.
He plays all this stuff with his little brother, who at age 3 is turning into a stereotypical rough and tumble, rather aggressive and competitive boy. two very different kids, but the little one, as stereotypically boyish as he is, is generally enthusiastic to play princess with him, put on makeup and nailpolish. yesterday they played happily together with 2 sequinedbarbie style mermaid dolls, until the little one got bored and moved on to a game with swords. D. continued to play with the mermaids by himself.
So whats the problem? Well, yesterday he dressed up his little brother in a makeshift bikini- underwear, and a sort of bra made out of a scarf. "Look! N. is a girl, he has a bra!" His Dad corrected him "No, he's a boy." "but are there any boys who wear a bra?" "Yes," said his dad, "there are some boys who dress up like girls and wear a bra." I couldn't have come up with a better response had I tried.
But it seems to me that he is acting out his girl fantasy vicariously through his brother. (I don't really worry about it affecting N.'s sense of gender as I see that N. isn't emotionally invested in it the way D. is). And my worry is that one day he will be exposed to trans propaganda and snap suddenly, decide he really was a girl all along or something
About this bra thing. this is not normal i think for a little kid to be playing of either sex. I blame Mermaid-Barbie. Or Ariel or whatever the thing's name is. His dad bought it for him, not me.
He then asked to see a princess video. How to I explain the concept of sexualization to a kid? I told him that I don't like the idea of too much showing off of the body, but that didn't quite convey it. I also told him that I don't like these barbies and disney princesses because they give a wrong idea of what real women look like. "I'm a real woman, and I don't look like barbie" I explained.
He got it! He really did! I asked him if there was any other video he wanted to watch, and he chose Dora the Explorer.
Women does NOT equal this ethereal sterile glittery creature, and both women and men, gender conforming and non gender conforming, need to know that. My son needs to be reminded that those fantasy creations are not what a woman is.
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